she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
