So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
