Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
