Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
