I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
