just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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