are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
