how can u be prego again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
