She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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