Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
