i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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