well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
