oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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