sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
