He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
