Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
