areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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