she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
