I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
