we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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