plz talk dirty to me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
