I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
