I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
