Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
