I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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