what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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