On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
