I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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