Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
