I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
