I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
