so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
