Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
