When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
