I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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