so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
