he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
