I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
