He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
