somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
