Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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