this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
