It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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