How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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