um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
