Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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