I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
