Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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