forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
