If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
