I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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