it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
