You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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