my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
