guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
