what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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